Living with a Thai Boy - My Experience

The first big crack in the relationship was Valentine's Day. He gave me some big lie about how he had to spend the evening with his friends because he'd already promised some time back (really? like over three months when we became boyfriends?) he'd have dinner with them. I wasn't buying it- 'cause I knew how important these romantic holidays are to the Thais, even the Western ones.

He DID come by in the morning and give me a nice framed photo of himself and some flowers, but it wasn't enough- I wanted his presence- and in the evening (which I spent alone at home in my apartment, far outside the Bangkok city limits) I couldn't reach him on his cellphone- it mysteriously malfunctioned [he later claimed battery failure] which it had a tendency to do when convenient for him.

Speaking of the mobile phones, they evolved considerably while I was dating him. He started off with a fairly expensive-looking Nokia model with a color screen and a slightly musical tone. Suddenly, one day he showed up with one of the top-of-the-line Panasonic phones (the big console-looking ones with built-in camera that can even do E-banking for you securely). How did he get the money (probably about 20,000B) for this? "I have a friend working at a store so I got a discount." Wrong answer!

To make matters worse, during this period he ALSO picked up a portable CD player to the tune of 10,000B including fancy rechargeable battery system, and fancy 3000B headphones. Finally, he LOST the expensive phone (left it in a cab)! So he got yet ANOTHER phone, to the tune of 8000K. Just one month later his friend broke that one, and he showed up with yet ANOTHER phone (with built-in camera again) that probably cost about 8000K.

As if all that weren't fishy enough, I noticed the following expenses, which he made no effort to hide from me:

1-2000B a month sent home to mother
500B a month life insurance policy (payable to mother)
Shares in TWO apartments running about 4-5000B a month
Expensive habits, like riding in taxis and eating out, seeing movies in theatres with his friends, drinking at bars (where he kept bottles in his name), etc.
Frequent purchase of trendy clothes and accessories- seemed for awhile like every day he had something new from MBK.

After a bit of calculation, I finally figured that he was spending over 50-60K a month during the time that I knew him (more than my salary!!!) And yet he was an unemployed student.... right.

Eventually, even my friends noticed that he was too rich to be telling the truth. Even the nice Thai man who introduced us told me he thought something was wrong- probably that O. was getting income from other farang. I knew I couldn't let things go on like this.

Why not? some may ask. Why not live in style on the money of a fairly well-off kept boy boyfriend who costs me little/nothing and even buys things for me? Why rock the boat?

The reason is O's first change in my life- I was truly, deeply falling in love with him, more so than I had ever been with any other partner. How was I going to feel if Mr. Moneybags from Switzerland showed up one day demanding that my cutie run off with him for years or forever? Emotionally, this was a losing proposition, and I had to find the truth or give him up.

"Steven"

Me: "R., why are you washing dishes?"

One evening I was visiting a lovely older British friend of mine for his birthday party. He had a new Thai bf at the time. As the party wound down and everyone left, it became obvious it was time for cleanup- and my friend started cleaning up the place.

Me: "R., why are you washing dishes?"
R.: "You know, that's a very good question."
Me: "Sit down."

At which point *I* started cleaning up the place. It was another 10 minutes or so before I think R.'s bf realized that he shouldn't have been letting R. do the work, and he rushed over and took *my* place at dishwashing. I don't know if that's any clear sign or not of how things stand in a relationship, but soon afterwards the two of them broke up.

Loving Thai Boy, so cute in his college uniform

I made my first false break with B. around Songkran, when it became clear to me that he was lying about his income and unwilling, no matter how softly, softly I tried to convince him to talk to me about his life, to tell me the truth. A week or so later of calls every day crying and begging for me to reconsider, I told him that he would have to get a normal (i.e., non-bar-related) job where I could go and see him working if he wanted to keep dating me (incidentally, I recommend this for all those who have potentially dodgy partners).

He was reluctant, but agreed to do so without a time frame. Internally, I was giving him about 3 months before I would unilaterally give up on him completely. Of course, this affected our relationship negatively in almost every area. We were having more arguments and he was more moody.

However, he seemed to step up to bat. He had employment photos and copies of his high school papers made, and frequently went off to interview wearing his college uniform. He had his heart set on a job with Major Cineplex, because he loves movies, but he only made it to the second interview with them- he thinks he was not "cute" enough by their standards [it's true that most of the gay guys working there are more fem than B.; maybe that's what he meant].

At the same time, other areas of my life improved and I moved to a more convenient place in town- so convenient, in fact, that B. was over every other day. And then every day- and then he was keeping clothes in my closet. By midsummer [in the western sense] he was practically living with me, though still paying rent in his other room. The job hunting had virtually stopped, however, and I was steeling myself to leave him because it seemed to be only a matter of time. I dreaded it, though, because in one sense it was a dream fulfilled- a lovely, attractive guy living with me who loved me and genuinely found me attractive [his picture collection is full of images of men like me] and who, even though for fishy reasons, wasn't asking me to support his life.

I've seen what happens, however, when farang fail to set reasonable limits on their boundaries and what they'll put up with from their Thai partners. You wind up with the farang who has a Thai boyfriend who is married with kids, and also has a Thai boyfriend. All living together (sometimes without the farang!) in the house the farang bought, built, and paid for. I was not going to be that farang.

Fortunately, rather than leave me dithering and wondering whether to follow through with the ultimatum on the basis of no more evidence than just because, B. finally gave me every reason to dump him.

To be continued!

"Steven"

My young Thai Boy

Sometime about November of last year, I met a young fellow, whom I'll call O.

He's changed my life 3 times so far, and I'd like to write more about him.

I went to an afternoon lunch of my gay friends on Gay Pride Day. Some of my friends' friends from Europe were in town, and they had brought along a young Thai fellow, O. O was shortish and slight, with an unfortunate mop of "Herman Munster" style hair [which is apparently popular with the senior uni students these days]. His complexion was not terribly good- still suffering from adolescent hormonal afflictions- but his broad smile and open expression were appealing. He was pretty quiet during our lunch, and what he did say was directed towards the Thai boyfriend of one of my friends there. I assumed he was the date of one of the Dutch gentlemen next to him, and so I went into automatic "no-flirting" mode with him. However, as the day went on, including an afternoon rowing in Lumphini Park before the actual parade [which, unfortunately, I felt was extremely poorly organized and insipid this year], I was convinced he was flirting with me.

While flattering, I despise it when acquaintances' dates show inappropriate interest in me- I think it is only polite for people to maintain the facade of happy couplehood in public, whatever one's relationship arrangements are. I did sneak a glance at him when he removed his shirt in Lumphini to cool off after rowing- attractive, muscular, light colored skin offsetting his jet black hair.

After the parade some of us wandered off to a fancy tourist restaurant for dinner, considerately paid for by our Dutch visitors. O was positioned next to me, and I began to suspect a bit of collusion... confirmed later by SMS messages from my good friend asking me if I was interested, because O had no boyfriend [he explained the Dutch man was a former/intermittent dating interest for O, but only as a tourist- and both he and O wanted O to find a regular partner]. My friend's Thai boyfriend had also known O for a year or so, and could vouch for him as a "real" type. Would I like them to set me up for a date? You betcha!

The Love of Siam - Thai Movie

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1152282/

Young Thai Boys Love The Older Falang Man ... and give the old man money

Don't want to be beating a dead horse, but thought I'd mention that I know of at least one 60-something yo who's been offered money by 20-something yo Thais to go with them when he wasn't particularly interested in doing it for fun. That's right, the younger Thais offered the older farang money.

Young Thais aren't all poor. Old guys aren't universally undesirable. And I think anyone who wants to tell someone who's THIRTY that they know his interests better than he does should go ahead and try- yeah- go out to some of these bars where you'll see a 30yo Thai sitting with his 50yo boyfriend, and TELL the Thai he shouldn't be dating such an old guy. Do it in the nasty condescending way you like to do it here, where you feel safe 'cause you're anonymous cowards. I just hope I'm there to see the aftermath.

As a "punch"line, I've been told by Thais in their early twenties that I'm just not old enough yet.

"Steven"