Let's see... in Thailand there are moneyboys and there are moneyboys.

Let's see... in Thailand there are moneyboys and there are moneyboys.

The moneyboy signs are fairly easy:

1. Wildly expensive clothes, accessories (mobile!), a shoe fetish, on no visible means of support or something poorly paid (like waiter).
2. Not rich, but speaks excellent English
3. Not rich, but speaks of foreign trips
4. Asks you to pay the tab not only for him but also a cluster of other similarly attired young men who disappear after the meal's finished/the club's opened.
5. Asks for "taxi money" home [esp. 200-300B] when a bus would do

But there's another category of "kept boys" which are trickier. These kept boys are lucky enough to find a number of rich foreign tourists who are attractive enough to them as partners to keep on a rotating basis- they may have half a dozen or so or more on a string, and visit them as they have their vacations. They get LOADS of money from these guys, too, as each foolishly believes himself to be the only one.

Now, the tricky part happens when THESE guys want a REAL boyfriend- they won't need money- they won't ask for money- they'll probably even pay for you, pick up the tab, anything!

Sounds like heaven until they have to go on a sudden "trip" for a few WEEKS, or aren't there on Valentine's day for no special reason, or mysteriously disappear because Daddy Moneybags has summoned them to Switzerland.

How do you know if you're dating a "kept boy?"
1. No visible means of support, but obviously has money- sends money home, has own apt., mb accessories, stereo, TV, the works
2. Will often claim to be "in the closet" and use this as an excuse not to be seen with you where/when it may compromise him, like the usual normal gay bars
3. Often absent on short/long trips "to the country," but you're not allowed to meet the family (see #2).
4. Gets angry or evasive when you finally start to raise the issue of where the money comes from

How do I know these things? Been there, done that!

Good luck....
[I'm only a LITTLE bitter!]

"Steven"

Well, an excellent gay farang blog.

My Thai diary/boyfriend

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Well,an excellent gay farang blog. I find it worth reading myself, though I don't always agree with the writer's point of view (which is probably natural). If nothing else, he has definitely chosen a different path than most foreign expats in Bangkok and that makes him interesting.

Mugging By Blind Date Pretender

A good friend of mine was recently held up at gunpoint at an apartment building on upper Sukhumvit when he went to meet someone who was a supposed date. The "date" had contacted him through a Gaydar profile. When my friend, who was a tourist, arrived and went to the "date"'s room, another man was waiting with him. They drew a gun, cuffed my friend, and went through his wallet, removing the cash and credit cards. Then they brought my friend out to the main road, gave him 100B and told him to get in a taxi quietly.

My friend contacted the Thai police immediately and filed a complaint, and went back with them to the apartment building but the room was empty and the manager had no idea about who the two men were or how to contact them. My friend was also less than impressed with the attitude of the police.

Of course, my friend was a little unwise in arranging a first meeting with a stranger in a private place, and in bringing any unnecessary valuables to that meeting. It only goes to show that there are reasons for taking precautions over the internet; thank goodness he wasn't hurt. Let this be a warning to the rest of us- be careful and use common sense out there.

"Steven"

Loving Thai Boy, so cute in his college uniform

I made my first false break with B. around Songkran, when it became clear to me that he was lying about his income and unwilling, no matter how softly, softly I tried to convince him to talk to me about his life, to tell me the truth. A week or so later of calls every day crying and begging for me to reconsider, I told him that he would have to get a normal (i.e., non-bar-related) job where I could go and see him working if he wanted to keep dating me (incidentally, I recommend this for all those who have potentially dodgy partners).

He was reluctant, but agreed to do so without a time frame. Internally, I was giving him about 3 months before I would unilaterally give up on him completely. Of course, this affected our relationship negatively in almost every area. We were having more arguments and he was more moody.

However, he seemed to step up to bat. He had employment photos and copies of his high school papers made, and frequently went off to interview wearing his college uniform. He had his heart set on a job with Major Cineplex, because he loves movies, but he only made it to the second interview with them- he thinks he was not "cute" enough by their standards [it's true that most of the gay guys working there are more fem than B.; maybe that's what he meant].

At the same time, other areas of my life improved and I moved to a more convenient place in town- so convenient, in fact, that B. was over every other day. And then every day- and then he was keeping clothes in my closet. By midsummer [in the western sense] he was practically living with me, though still paying rent in his other room. The job hunting had virtually stopped, however, and I was steeling myself to leave him because it seemed to be only a matter of time. I dreaded it, though, because in one sense it was a dream fulfilled- a lovely, attractive guy living with me who loved me and genuinely found me attractive [his picture collection is full of images of men like me] and who, even though for fishy reasons, wasn't asking me to support his life.

I've seen what happens, however, when farang fail to set reasonable limits on their boundaries and what they'll put up with from their Thai partners. You wind up with the farang who has a Thai boyfriend who is married with kids, and also has a Thai boyfriend. All living together (sometimes without the farang!) in the house the farang bought, built, and paid for. I was not going to be that farang.

Fortunately, rather than leave me dithering and wondering whether to follow through with the ultimatum on the basis of no more evidence than just because, B. finally gave me every reason to dump him.

To be continued!

"Steven"

Cruising and Thai Wait Staff At Restaurants

Restaurants are great places for cruising in Thailand. Actually, that may be half the point for some of the workers- find someone tolerably good looking with a bit of money to throw around and give up the drudgery.

Heard a story from a friend- he was at some place near Silom and asked the obviously gay, cute waiter out- the waiter didn't have a phone but called the guy later- 1st question: will you buy me a mobile phone? that was the end of that. but next time the guy went to the restaurant, the waiter gave HIM his new mobile phone number... sometimes pie in the sky DOES come for these guys...

"Steven"

Sadly, in Thailand, there are almost no relationships that do not have a financial component

Sadly, in Thailand, there are almost no relationships that do not have a financial component of SOME kind that is more actively realized than in "Western" countries. I've been told by straight guys (level ones with jobs and wives who've decided to live here, not barflies) that Thais love, but there's always a practical side to it- in an almost Victorian sense. That doesn't mean that there won't be guys who love you for you, but there will always be at least a little tiny bit of awareness that you have so much more money than they do, and in the Thai way of thinking this obliges you, patron-style. You could think of it as you being a father figure.

That said, there's a bit of difference between patronage and milking. An average salary in Bangkok is 4-6000 BAHT a month for a 10hr a day, 6 day a week job. You can judge the sincerity of requests for 25K a month by this, right?

Real Thais who work and have real jobs have little time or money to hang out in bars for any reason. If they do go, it's typically to all-Thai bars with small groups of friends who stand around a table dancing and drinking together- a hard social milieu for farang to break into, though it can happen. I recommend Dreaded Ned's website (do a google search) for detailed maps of gay Bangkok to locate bars of this sort.

so here's the deal: A real Thai with a real life is possible to find, but he will have little time to hang out with you and you'll need to bear the shared costs of any expensive nightlife. An idle Thai with plenty of free time for you and/or money is almost always dodgy in some way (where does the money come from? how does he have all this time to spend in bars?) or rich, which is often worse. You pays your money and you takes your choice.

Good luck!

"Steven"

Thai lying on via internet meeting rooms and older falang lying too

Considering the amount of Thai lying that goes on via internet meeting rooms (and everywhere else), it's hard to be too surprised or that older farang guys are lying, too. Half the Thai profiles on the major internet gay rooms are obvious hookers. Then again, meeting people live doesn't always result in much greater honesty- I guess no matter what, people should be careful where and how they meet people for dating!

The last guy I met online complained to me, too, about the number of Internet farang liars and scum he met... it was 3 weeks later that he admitted he already had a longterm boyfriend!!! So much for being straightforward and honest!

"Steven"

How Dodgy Is My Candidate?

Ok, here are the things I *know* to be true about him:

1. He is an art student at Silpakorn, and fairly good (has gotten pieces of his that I've seen into magazines and suchlike).
2. He speaks English suspiciously well (has an electronic dictionary).
3. He does not seem to have a lot of free cash (rides the bus, few extravagant spending habits that I've seen).
4. He's very bright- not only in English and art, but also in computers and a certain amount of philosophy.
5. He has a personal computer (compaq laptop).
6. He has been to Korea and dated at least one gay man there.
7. He has won several art awards (I've seen portfolio including award presentations).
8. He has worked for both a marketing agency and a pottery export company doing art for pay.
9. He has a number of pairs of shoes, some of which look fairly expensive.
10. He has a small number of tasteful clothes, but rather a variety of kinda provocative underwear.
11. In a bit of a financial bind recently, he sold his mobile phone to pay his rent and refused to take my 1-month offer of help.
12. He has obviously had quite a lot of experience with farangs- fair enough, I've been dating Thais, myself.
13. He freely admits to going to gay bars where farang often go; for example, DJ station- however he also goes to all-Thai gay bars with his friends.
14. I do all the paying for dates (he's a STUDENT, for gosh sakes), but he doesn't ask for other money and seems embarrassed quite often when I pay. He always makes sure to thank me for anything I've paid for.
15. When he's with me he seems more and more affectionate- not suddenly declaring his undying love, but measuring me just as I am measuring him.

Here are things he has TOLD me but for which I have no direct confirmation:
1. He is from Isaan and has a poor family.
2. He has an "aunt" married to a Korean man, which explains his trip to Korea and while he was there he earned the money for the computer by cleaning a restaurant for a few months
3. He's been at school funded partially by an uncle, partially by the Korean married aunt, partially by his brother, and partially by government funding (but overall has little spare money).
4. He's had a stingy Spanish boyfriend whom he is now considering breaking up with in my favor- claims the guy never even took him out to a movie or anything else but soi food.
5. He lives with a few other students in a typical student-block room near his university, but spends a lot of his time working and painting (I can confirm this anytime, 'cause he's not shy or paranoid about my visiting him in his home or at the studio- just haven't had time to go yet)

Now, the money and farang experience and the poverty all perhaps don't QUITE add up- but on the other hand, he's not apparently out to milk all farang for all he can get, either, and I think the feeling side of things is real; I'm convinced at the very least there's already a real friendship beginning to operate. Physically, things started slow but are getting hotter.

So, how sincere do you think this guy is? I'm trying to believe in him as much as I can, but it's in light of a recent relationship which went sour despite my ex-'s honest affection for me, because I found out about the other 3-4 guys bankrolling him (the ex). What do you recommend?

"Steven"