Thais often being cheated on by their partners (Thai or otherwise) and Thais often cheating on their partners (Thai or otherwise)

Just a few thoughts

1. Buddhism in Thailand is a hodge-podge overlaid onto traditional animism, with a healthy dose of Brahmin mysticism sprinkled on top. It is heavily associated with family rituals (birth, marriage, burial), and, yes, shamanism and superstition. As with many belief systems, the "pure" form of Buddhism is only a theory; what happens in practice can be quite different. Going to the temple to "sanctify" your relationship might be a big deal indeed for your guy.

2. Racism is alive and well in Thailand- guys who are "darker" are perceived (and perceive themselves, sadly) to be socially inferior. Quite often those of lighter hue are also, as a result, higher social class (and richer). *Certain* foreigners who have dated various Thais also feel that those of Chinese-Thai descent often have some snobbery-related personality problems. So there could be some explanation for a bias by gay foreigners in Thailand towards one or another group of whatever colour. Plus part of the interest and spark for many foreigners here is the difference- why go all the way around the world and date what turns out to be another Western-thinking white guy?

If I were more cynical, I might add that the "you're the first farang I've dated" is considerd one of the oldest lines in the book locally here.

3. Thais in general (but never specifically, I'm sure) are very, very, very, very jealous. I attribute this to:
a. Thais often being cheated on by their partners (Thai or otherwise),
b. Thais often cheating on their partners (Thai or otherwise), and
c. Thais being very emotional and sentimental with their partners.

I hasten to add that I'm sure no falang reader of this blog is in either category a. or b. with their Thai partner(s).

4. The submission you describe comes with obligation and a delayed price- there's no free lunch. It seems you are lucky enough to have a fairly self-sufficient young man, but if he should ever face ANY kinds of problems- consider yourself obligated and responsible (as a social superior with a relationship to an inferior would be in Thailand). Furthermore, this extends if necessary to the needs of his family, if your relationship continues long enough.

5. You should visit here not only once, but many, many times before you even consider moving here (especially for the sake of a Thai guy you've met outside). Ask lots of questions. Don't take everything on faith; ask for independent verification and evidence. Don't let him be the only source of information about his family and friends. If it involves any large sums of your money, make sure the paperwork is checked by a farang law firm working for you but familiar with Thai law. Make other Thai and local farang friends and get their perspective on your guy, too.

Just some thoughts

"Steven"

Living with a Thai Boy

O. survived a move with me, but 3 months after my ultimatum (this would be May of last year) he still showed no sign of getting a real job. He would hem and haw and mentioned that he was "taking care of his professor's dog," which really didn't sit up there on the top shelf of "Lame Excuses I Have Believed."

I was away for awhile on business. When I returned, O. was still the same. No money, but living expensively- how was he doing it?

In a taxi one afternoon I looked through his wallet out of curiosity, only to be surprised by the photo of another farang man- a bit older and larger than I am. O. blustered, then got defensive, then got angry. I refused to see him for a few days.

One day we went to check email together at an Internet cafe. I demanded to see his email suddenly. He seemed a bit apprehensive, for good reason: in his inbox was an email dated during my business trip:

"Dear O., I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful evening. I hope your hangover was not too bad. If you want to contact me after (date), please use (email address). Signed, (European Farang).

This also did not help. My suspicions were heightened to the point where I was looking for any way to get true information about O., so that I could make a well-justified decision about whether to stay with him or not. I knew that things were fishy as Heck, but I didn't like the thought of leaving him for the sake of suspicion only. And boy, did I get my chance.

It bears mentioning that all during this dodgy period, O. had been hinting that he would like me to help him financially (I had not been doing so) because if he ran out of money he might have to go back to Isaan. I kept asking when he was going to get a job.

Near the beginning of the new school year, O. claimed to have less than 5000B left to his name. It also happened that O. contracted a throat infection- a very, very bad throat infection. I nursed him for a day or two, and the infection got worse. I realized he really needed to see a doctor, but being a stubborn country lad he refused to go. Finally, after about 5 days of fevers and grouchiness, he admitted he was really sick. Just going to the road to catch a taxi for the hospital he threw up from the pain. I was exhausted from staying up looking after him and frightened about how sick he was, but glad to see him on the way to real medical care.

At that time, I had just gone through a very expensive month- I had moved and paid a big deposit on a new apartment, along with some other expenses- and my cash was low (actually, I probably only had 5-6000B in the bank, which I needed to last 8-9 days until the next payday). It occurred to me I would have to pay for O.'s hospital bills, and that I might even have to borrow money if he needed to stay for very long.

The hospital checked him in efficiently and quickly, and I was off to work. I called O.'s mobile a few times during the day but he didn't answer; probably he was asleep or heavily drugged.

When I returned home, I noticed the familiar bulge of O.'s wallet lying on his last pair of jeans on the floor- he hadn't used it or needed it since I had been taking care of him in his illness. Driven by some devil or angel, I opened it and found:

1. Pictures of 3 foreign men, including the one which I had previously seen.
2. Debit card receipts from the previous week in bars and restaurants totalling over 5000B in food and drink.
3. Records of appointments at a very expensive skincare spa
4. Phone numbers in other men's handwriting, including brief messages like "back on 3/5/05"
5. An ATM receipt from his bank account showing an outstanding balance of over 70,000B

"Steven"

My young Thai Boy

Sometime about November of last year, I met a young fellow, whom I'll call O.

He's changed my life 3 times so far, and I'd like to write more about him.

I went to an afternoon lunch of my gay friends on Gay Pride Day. Some of my friends' friends from Europe were in town, and they had brought along a young Thai fellow, O. O was shortish and slight, with an unfortunate mop of "Herman Munster" style hair [which is apparently popular with the senior uni students these days]. His complexion was not terribly good- still suffering from adolescent hormonal afflictions- but his broad smile and open expression were appealing. He was pretty quiet during our lunch, and what he did say was directed towards the Thai boyfriend of one of my friends there. I assumed he was the date of one of the Dutch gentlemen next to him, and so I went into automatic "no-flirting" mode with him. However, as the day went on, including an afternoon rowing in Lumphini Park before the actual parade [which, unfortunately, I felt was extremely poorly organized and insipid this year], I was convinced he was flirting with me.

While flattering, I despise it when acquaintances' dates show inappropriate interest in me- I think it is only polite for people to maintain the facade of happy couplehood in public, whatever one's relationship arrangements are. I did sneak a glance at him when he removed his shirt in Lumphini to cool off after rowing- attractive, muscular, light colored skin offsetting his jet black hair.

After the parade some of us wandered off to a fancy tourist restaurant for dinner, considerately paid for by our Dutch visitors. O was positioned next to me, and I began to suspect a bit of collusion... confirmed later by SMS messages from my good friend asking me if I was interested, because O had no boyfriend [he explained the Dutch man was a former/intermittent dating interest for O, but only as a tourist- and both he and O wanted O to find a regular partner]. My friend's Thai boyfriend had also known O for a year or so, and could vouch for him as a "real" type. Would I like them to set me up for a date? You betcha!

The Love of Siam - Thai Movie

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1152282/

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Ijustwannateach - Viewing Profile

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Sweet Memories - Bangkok Gay Pride 2006

Young Thai Boys Love The Older Falang Man ... and give the old man money

Don't want to be beating a dead horse, but thought I'd mention that I know of at least one 60-something yo who's been offered money by 20-something yo Thais to go with them when he wasn't particularly interested in doing it for fun. That's right, the younger Thais offered the older farang money.

Young Thais aren't all poor. Old guys aren't universally undesirable. And I think anyone who wants to tell someone who's THIRTY that they know his interests better than he does should go ahead and try- yeah- go out to some of these bars where you'll see a 30yo Thai sitting with his 50yo boyfriend, and TELL the Thai he shouldn't be dating such an old guy. Do it in the nasty condescending way you like to do it here, where you feel safe 'cause you're anonymous cowards. I just hope I'm there to see the aftermath.

As a "punch"line, I've been told by Thais in their early twenties that I'm just not old enough yet.

"Steven"

Domesticity And Gay Life, Stay-At-Home

As time passes, I appreciate more and more the value of a comfortable home that I can relax in with a family- a gay partner and close friends, at least, if adoption doesn't become an option.

I find I am the type to stay home and enjoy it, when I've found a good long-term partner. Or even by myself, I don't feel the need to be out on the town every night that it is possible.

I know other friends who just can't seem to stay home at all- if they've got a free night with no other plans, they will wind up in a bar or disco somewhere.

I've known Thais and foreigners on both extremes of this spectrum